Where did my interest in learning japanese go?

Yet another test today. Yesterday was in math, which I'm pretty sure I failed and I've been depressed about it, and today is biology. I'm having a good feeling about this one, but I'm gonna have to start studying for it here shortly.

Yesterday I had Patrick, Louie, Seth and Dru over and I made dinner and we all hung out for awhile. We swam over at the Richland public pool, and it really cheered me up after that test and feeling like a failure. I was immediately discouraged yesterday because I got word that CBC now REQUIRES you to pass math 95 even if you've passed 96, 97 and 98.. So yeah, CBC, you've pissed me off again.


I've lost a lot of interest in the Japanese thing, again. It sucks because I have invested a year of my life into learning it and now I feel like whenever I'm trying to study Japanese that it's pointless for me and that I look like an idiot. It'd be so sexy if I knew French, or German, or even Russian-- but with Japanese I just feel like I look like another stupid weeaboo. I don't know where my interest went this summer.. it's sad. I don't even think I want to go to Japan anymore. Maybe I should watch Magibon and get my interest back.. Maybe. Though she's not really my idol anymore. I am not idolizing anyone, and I'm just trying to make myself look hot by regular American standards. Because though Magibon is white and I wanted to look like her, Magibon was trying to look Asian. So my mom and sister would make fun of me, and it pissed me off.

I haven't really studied all summer because of no ambition too, and I feel a little guilty about it every day.

Tonight I might be driving to Hermiston to go party. Though awhile back I decided I would stay away from this person because of information that has been given to me, I now realize that the SOURCE of that information might be bias. I'm just going to have fun, I'm not emotionally involved or anything. If I get up there without my car taking a shit, it'll be a good night.

I'm pretty sure Nuveou decided not to hire me because Giselle talked to me on facebook and said that they've been hiring a lot of... other people, but she said she's going to talk to them about me. I'm going to give them a call today and ask if there are any updates on the position, but I'm not crossing my fingers or anything. Guess they're just like everyone else-- She doesn't have experience, so we're not going to give her a chance.

yours,
Emily