Hot saunas, booze and panties

Hello,

It's 11:35 pm. I slept practically all day after not being able to sleep and getting up sick multiple times last night and I know if I don't get to bed again soon my sleeping schedule is going to be really messed up. I know my bad sleeping habits are normally caused by drinking. When Travis and I party together I can rarely get a decent night sleep so I don't think I slept much while I was over at Wildhorse those few nights. Still, what a great time that was.

I didn't take that many pictures while we were there. 

In my experience taking pictures in casinos is quite discouraged so I only snagged a few in the hotel. My packing for the trip was really crummy-- We stayed three nights and I only packed two pairs of underwear!!(not counting my bikini bottoms)...So I literally had to wash my panties in the sink and hotel soap and hung them to dry so I'd have something to wear each day. I also honestly didn't pack enough clothes-- one of the pairs of jeans I brought was too tight on my ass with all the squats I've been doing. That or I've gained weight. I think my body looks pretty good right now but I'm definitely more comfortable in a size 11 than 8. 

Wildhorse was SO fun! I didn't gamble at all but I brought stuff to keep me busy like my art supplies, DS, etc.. Travis spent a lot of time playing poker and won a lot more money than we came with, which was expected because he's a great player and tends to have a horseshoe lodged in his ass on most occasions. Unlike me. I seriously don't bother gambling because I Lose. Every. Time. 

Not even exaggerating. Whether it's scratcher cards, slots, pull-tabs, a drawing for prizes, whatever... I am the unluckiest person I know. That's why when I was there I spent all of my time on things I could control like selling my artwork and using the crap out of all of the hotel's awesome facilities. I used the gym room every time I was there which felt fabulous. I have missed the cwu gym from day 1 moving home. I also enjoyed the pool and tried to enjoy the sauna.

Saunas are f*cking scary!! 

I remember one night I was at the hot tub and it was starting to get a little crowded... five or six adults in a tub feels a little awkward. I decided then I'd cool off in the pool then try the sauna. I'd made the mistake of opening my big mouth and saying, "Can you watch my stuff while I go get a glass of water for the sauna?" 

By the time I got back half the people in the hot tub were now in the sauna using it at full blast heat of 190 degrees -- yeah Hell no I wanted to try it at like 160. So I hung around in the pool for like an hour. One couple that was in there left and right after a huge hairy man went in and sprawled out out on the seats. After waiting and waiting for him I said screw it and stepped in myself. He hadn't lowered the temperature but he looked so relaxed in there I figured it couldn't be that bad. 

OHH my God I was wrong, hot hot hot... Water from the pool immediately started dripping off of me and I felt like I was in a boiler room in a concentration camp. I held onto the wooden door tightly trying to figure out what was relaxing about this. The guy laying on the seat said "Hey if I'm botherin' ya I'll move" and I'm like "No, you're not bothering me at all..." Of course I LOOK clearly bothered, my legs are like shaking out of anxiety. "I just don't know how anyone can sit in here and not feel like they're dying...." And I left.

Travis and I had really good food and drinks at the Wildhorse and he paid for practically everything so I was floored by his generosity. Dating Travis has made it practically unnoticeable the past few weeks that I've been unemployed (being broke usually has a way of making me depressed on top of whatever else...) because treats me so awesome. 

We decided to "Facebook officiate" our relationship even if I've been calling him my boyfriend to people for the past two weeks now. I'm just going to try to make him happy all I can when we're together. Nobody knows what the future holds and being with someone always gives me this underlying fear of it abruptly ending in hurt and pain because that's how it's always been. Even with guys that I trusted like Joel who completely abandoned contact with me my last week in Ellensburg when I only wanted to see him and broke my heart. 

The thought of the transition back to Ellensburg is seriously bringing tears to my eyes because I feel like my life just pushes me with the current and the second I get comfortable something pulls me away and I dive into a sea of stress again. 

I don't know. This is not where I wanted this blog entry to go. I just need to be thankful for what I have today and not take any day for granted like I did today. I am so comfortable and happy with the way my life as is right now there's no reason that I should want to mood alter with alcohol because it just makes things worse. 

peace.