Dying my own hair. Spring break prison, Wednesday....

Today I'm going to dye my own hair.

This should be interesting. I was considering making a youtube video of this but I really need to focus on what I'm doing so that probably isn't a good idea. I've never actually dyed my own hair, my mom always does it.

I'm going to use this instruction video.

I'm doing Clairol natural instincts in darkest brown. The box came with a free pantene color care shampoo, too! :) Just by looking in the box I'm already pretty intimidated. I can barely braid my hair let alone dye the whole thing. That and my hair is really long now... longer than it's been in a long time. My mom said she'd help me trim it today if she gets a chance.

The reason that I've let it grow this long is because I have a bit of a problem actually going to the salon. I used to go to this guy named Nathan at Wal Mart, and he did a great job, but he kept on telling me that my hair is SO damaged and I need to cut more and more off. He basically made it sound like my hair was a disgusting rats nest full of split ends and it's just beyond repair. That's when I DID start going in once a month for a trim, and my hair kept getting shorter and shorter because it couldn't grow fast enough to make up for all the trimming!!

I've seen hair MUCH more damaged than mine, and i'm going to start using argon oil to help protect it. I damage the hell out of my hair, but I use a lot of products (which I spend a LOT of money on) to protect it to the best of my ability. The reason I do it is because the only way I feel comfortable with my looks is when my hair is straightened and puts on this illusion like it's naturally that way. It's not.

My hair naturally fucking sucks!! It's so fucking ugly and wavy, and on top of it is a boring dingy ass light brown color. I had to deal with this complex all through childhood-- SO many insecurity issues probably could of been dealt with if my mom would of purchased a straightening iron earlier on. I don't know why we never thought of it. I remember when I was a kid, having my mom blowdry my hair every day... I was such a spoiled little shit, but I did it out of desperation because I thought I was ugly.

I'm just thankful that I'm born in a time when we do have straightening irons to continue this illusion. But it's extremely damaging to my hair.. I know that, I don't need to go to the salon and be lectured and talked down too. Haven't been to Nathan in months. Actually the last time I even got a hair trim was from that guy in the mall. It's been since about early fall I'd think.  

Today is another day of this misery that I thought was going to be Spring break. My intuition was originally telling me it's a good idea to stay home and get some rest and focus on improving at things before school starts up again, but now I just feel unmotivated to do anything because of lack of social interaction.

My Dad started yelling at me yesterday, saying "What the Hell, you're on spring break aren't you getting more work hours?!" I'd been off for two days, after working 20 hours this last weekend. He clearly doesn't know nearly how much I do work.

I have no guilt about my work schedule. I DO have guilt about being home doing absolutely nothing aside from guitar, reading, exercise, Sims, pot, and a little bit of studying for the last few days... Spring break really does suck ass, and always has. Summer is okay, but it tends to feel like this too. I am so thankful spring break is only one week instead of two.

Constant stress at school is much better than my brain feeling like it's melting at home. And Dad didn't want me to go to school this next quarter? HA! Like I'd be getting ANY more hours at work anyway. I'd go absolutely fucking nuts if I felt like this for the next three months. So essentially, when my dad pays for tuition he's not just paying for me to go to school, he's paying for me not to be home (which right now is like my prison).

I feel so stuck here. It's creeping me out. My car is back in working condition and everything, but there's still nothing to do, and really nobody to talk too.

I need to think of options....

-Samantha is in school, and there's really not much for us to do over here. I don't need to go into town and buy anything. She could come over here and we could take a walk or something, but it's sort of cold out so she might not want too. I'd rather not take any trips into town..

OH SHIT! I just remembered that drag queen show thing that I'm going too tonight. THAT should be interesting. It's already two, I should get my hair dyed.

peace.