My reflection back on my miserable experience at Ki-Be Middleschool.

I'm not going to be a fucking push over.

This just brought me back to how much I hated middleschool, which makes me sick even to this day.

The original post was directed towards Josie's picture that is captioned "Yeah, I should go tanning." In my opinion, which, because I've matured since my Freshman year has changed, is that girls that are naturally light skinned look better with light skin. That's just my thought on it. It really has nothing to do with Josie, she can tan if she wants.

Notice that after Kim wrote that, obviously attempting to bash me for something that happened when I was 14, I actually agreed with her. This is me being a PUSHOVER, not wanting to cause conflict. But then she continues to be a bitch. I'm just done with this. I have no reason to be in any relationship what so ever with any of these people from my lovely "Ki-Be Class of 2010" that made my life a living hell for twelve years.

But the most miserable time was Middle school, 7th grade especially.

 I was sort of pondering over this last night. How miserable and out of place they would make me feel, back in middle school when my mom would *encourage* me to try to make friends because I was always a "floater" that never really had any close friends, aside from Katharine and Katelynn. Katharine of course is a class above me, which made a huge difference. Needless to say, never had any classes with her and rarely saw her around school. Maybe passed her in the hallway sometimes. And then Katelynn was over at Dessert Hills. The only close friend that I had from my class really was Jordan, though she was so popular that she had so many friends that she had to divide her time amongst, many of which didn't like me either.

I tried, I did. I really TRIED to find a friend from my class, but it never really happened. When I got up to highschool things got a lot easier because I became friends with Robert and Skyler, along with more people as I got into my junior year that were much more accepting and friendly. I really wish I could of known Robert and Skyler in middle school, though at the time since I wasn't into rock music we wouldn't of had much to talk about.

The Groups, Looking back on middle school...
I look back on the groups of friends that seemed to continue into highschool from my class, none of which I fit into. There was the Mormon group that sort of hung with the very over achieving, straight A kids. These were very nice people, though their table at lunch was always full and I remember being kicked from there a couple times because there practically had reserved seats. That's fine, didn't fit there anyways-- I wasn't Mormon, nor was I nessasarily over achieving. I never had a problem with any of these people, though. I know Kirsten didn't like me, which was the only apparent one from that group, but there was probably more.

Then there was the group of popular kids. They hung out over on the hill by the bleachers. Some of these people stayed "popular" in my class, if you can even call it that. I mean the most obvious one I can think of was Jessica Small, who continued to be the envy of a lot of girls into highschool. Tall, blonde, athletic, yadda ya. Back then though there was also Hannah, Lisa, Kim S., Sherae, Jessica, Hailey (who made my life even more of a living Hell), Haley... I was definately a floater here, and if I was there nobody nessasarily told me to leave, though if I said anything the girls would just sort of pass over it and act like my opinion didn't mean anything. There were the popular guys, the main ones were from my class during middle school, as I remember-- Tim, Nick, Shelden, Zach M., Gerban, Chris H. Shelden probably being the most popular, and continued to be throughout highschool.

I guess I kind of hung out with the "Jordan Group" as my mom liked to call it, because the group practically existed because so many people liked Jordan. This dispersed after Jordan moved away the summer after 7th grade.  This is pretty much where I hung out, for the most part. It consisted of Jordan (of course), Cheyanne R. (who became popular the next year), Valerie (..Same), Kim F./Kim E. (Same, but was more with the popular group during 7th grade too), sometimes Josie, Jordan's boyfriend Zach, and a few 8th graders that I can't remember. It changed on a practically daily basis.

There were also kids that would play soccer almost every day, which wasn't really an interest of mine. I didn't want to get all sweaty.

The 8th graders pretty much dominated the Hill over by the soccer fields and the tables. Katharine would usually hang out on the hill with Celeste, or-- I don't really know, sometimes she'd want to hang out with me up there and I'd feel extremely awkward and out of place. Sarah V., Alma and Kayla Main intimidated the hell out of me, and so did most of those girls. I would usually bail pretty quick. REALLY didn't feel like I fit there. I'm assuming they could probably tell.

The fact that Kim took something from when I was in the 8th grade literally makes me laugh. Reading back on this I realize how much I, and many people in my class, have changed dramatically since that time. We're all on different paths now, and to refer to something like THAT as an insult was pretty pathetic.
I was extremely unconfident, and my Mom probably had me get that spray tan to make me feel better about myself. Obviously, some people still must use that as a reference.


yours,
Emily