You can't love someone else until you love yourself. Feeling stir crazy.

My sister's birthday is here, and she's intending on having a big party tomorrow. I am hoping to get some plans to get out of here. I really hope that the people from Applebees give me a call back so I can get a job soon. And if they don't, I'm going to apply to Wal Mart. I don't care-- I need an opportunity to get out of the house because I am going stir crazy here. I mean aside from school, which is my only escape from the continual stream of highschool angst stories and cheerleaders, I need another outlet to get out of here. Wal Mart seems pretty miserable, and based on how much Katelynn works there I don't know if I want to dip my hand into that situation. But everything in my house seems to be bothering the Hell out of me lately.

Today my mom lectured me on how I need to be "nice to Avery's friends" because she claims I was "mean to Avery's boyfriend". Well he was being a little smart ass! There is no law that says I have to be nice to my sister's preppy friends. And I try. I really try. When we had Scotty come through my house-- the opitomy of everything I HATE about preppy girls-- I kept my cool, I didn't say shit. I need to get out of here before I really offend someone. The cheerleading thing makes me want to pull my hair out, always has.

Today for Avery's birthday I'm taking her to Froyo-- maybe. She's getting her hair done so I don't know if we're going to get time, however I would really like to try that place too. My diet hasn't been doing that well because of lack of fruits and veggies around the house.. I have to grocery shop again for myself but I can't afford it. I'm just trying to eat smaller portions now along with doing the pilates thing. I just wish there was more healthy food around... My dad spends so much money on junk food that I have to continually keep myself from eating. Yet another reason i'd like to get out of here.. I'm so scared of gaining weight. I hate how my skin looks enough, the last thing I need is to hate how my body looks more then I already do.

The thing with Wes fell through because he wanted to be in a relationship and I refused to go there. There are a lot of reasons to contribute to this, but the main reason was the fact that I don't love myself enough to love someone else, and need to try to focus on myself so that someday I can learn too. I'm tired of trying to please everyone else.

yours,
Emily