Claymation might be my new favorite movie making medium.

This right here is the claymation I made to present to my Mom's AVID class in order to prompt into teaching them about movie editting. It took me approximately 16 hours of hard ass work for one minute of video. Would I do it again? Absolutely, and make it 20x better now that I know what I'm doing with the clay.

Claymation is the shit!!

I had a ton of fun with this, and now that I'm not on a time constraint, I plan to use the rest of that clay one of these times for... something. Could potentially be a ticket to a youtube partnership! I mean, there are NOT many claymators on youtube, and the fact that I know how to do it could get me some epic views. Probably shouldn't get ahead of myself though, I'm going to see if this video gets any views period before I even try. I am thinking about just messing with how to make more flexible characters, because really that was my problem in this video. I think the way I made the mouths and eyes move with paint was pretty damn clever though, and besides the ending of this movie I am very satisfied with the outcome. I just wish I could of had more time to make the movie... like a week would of been perfect to fill the whole song. Still, making that thing had me completely dormant for 16 hours of art... Do I really want to do that again? I'm just surprised I had the patience.

The presentation worked well. I had a hard time explaining some of the more challenging things that I incoorperated into this video, like making the mouths move and such. Luckily, it seemed like none of the people in the class had any interest in going into THAT much detail. I think I did pretty good, and my mom helped prompt me along, as I jumped into video without really showing them how to put the video together first, and my mom shoved me out of that pretty quick. Good thing too, or I would of completely lost them.

I got to meet Taylor Morales today too, which was cool! We've talked quite a bit on youtube, and I gave her my babysitting job for when I leave for college. Chad and Carmin haven't had me babysit in a couple weeks though, I wonder if she's been taking it? Ehh, who knows. Maybe Chad and Carmin just haven't been out as much. There schedules don't allow them much sleep at all.. I don't know how they do it.

Anyway, that's really all I wanted to say today. Tomorrow I'm going to make a blog on my friends, and how all of them are good for different things. I was thinking about this today while I was sitting in class. I had told Courtney on facebook, jokingly, that the reason that I had the time to do the project was because I'm a bit of a nerd, a loner and don't have many friends. But now that I think about it, I do! Just a lot of them are nerds like me so we're all so wrapped up in our own business that it's harder to get together.

Tomorrow then!

yours,

Emily

Cists hurt & Andy's party.

First the happy stuff, because I don't want this all to be a pity party.

Last night was a GREAT night! I got to do everything I wanted too: Started my claymation project, spend time with David, and went to Andy's unbirthday. Actually, it was technically his friend Joe's birthday... Joe, I think... shoot. So bad with names. This picture wasn't taken from Andy's party, but this is a picture of Andy (in the white shirt), his girlfriend Michelle, and a couple other guys that I believe were at his party. 

I was the youngest one there, which was like the last two parties I've been to that Andy has invited me too. I wasn't just the youngest though, aside from Michelle I was by far the youngest. One woman there I believe was only a couple years younger then my mom. Regardless, I expained to them that: A) I am Andy's friend from Sociology, and B) I don't drink and they don't have to worry about anything. The people there were AWESOME. Seriously, some of the most awesome, open minded people I've talked too. We talked about-- everything. stuff that I couldn't normally talk to about. I think the fact that they were strangers to me, and very comfortable with eachother, made it easier to talk to them. Michelle is a really cool person, I can definately see why Andy loves her. She is so cool.

Skin Color and Political Correctness Rant: 

Honestly, she's one of the only African American people I know besides Stephanie's boyfriend, isn't that strange? Andy and Michelle said it's okay to say 'black', but I don't just because I don't want to offend anyone. I said to Michelle, "I'm really horrible at recognizing people...", after talking about how I thought I'd seen Andy's son, "So if I saw an.... African American girl in Wal Mart with your hair style and physique from the back it would probably take me until I was about three or four feet away before I'd recognize if it was you or not." She thought it was funny. I just imagined saying 'black' and then someone telling me to leave, so I decided to play it safe. I know some hispanic people get offendid if you say Mexicans, though... Mexicans come from Mexico. Asians come from Asia. Why be offendid? "Black" however is a skin color, having nothing to do with your origin. I would never call a hispanic person "That brown person", yet I wouldn't be offendid if someone called me white. This is a very hard one to wrap your head around. I think I'll always just play it safe and say "African american" and "Hispanic".

Anyway...

Back to talking about the party. I met this one guy that is a diagnosed sociopath, and he told me about his experiences and how he's learned to be in main stream society. I discussed one of my sort-of ex's, and described how me and my friend Robert thought for sure he was a sociopath based on the fact that he was cold, emotionless (aside from anger), saw the point in nothing, and seemed to never be happy. He dreaded any sort of commitment, and spent hours on end playing stupid World of Warcraft. He was rude to his friends, and never seemed offendid. He was painfully stubborn. However, though he had no initiative to do anything, was very intellegent. This is practically EXACTLY what this guy said he was like as a teenager. He said that joy and saddness do not come naturally to him, and had to 'act' this emotion so that he did not stand out as being a freak.
I now wonder what happened to this kid. But I don't really care. He's definately a person that I do not realize WHY I've "liked" and is a perfect example of the kind of person that I shouldn't hurt myself with.

Overall, I really had fun at Andy's party. I'm glad I went. I debated going because of how I felt that night but Andy's friends are genuinely good people and I'm happy I met them.

Now here comes the depressing stuff...

I showed up at Andy's party at around 9' and had to leave at 11'. I was the first one to leave, but then I realized how happy I am that I did because they would of had a very miserable girl on their hands that couldn't leave and that would be a real downer on the party.

My ovaries were in very incredible pain last night. As you guys know, I had a cist discovered recently, and it hurt like a mother last night. I knew when I was sitting on a barstool that as my lower  groin became less of a soreness and more of a stabbing pain that I had to leave. On my way home I felt light headed, and it was hard to drive. The pain got worse and worse, and by the time I got home I was groaning in pain. I went into the kitchen and took a huge ibyprophin, and got in the bath. In the bath I started to feel better, though became very hot. Then I got out and was extremely cold.

After getting my pjs on, I thought I would be okay as I got very tired and the pain seemed to cease temporarily. I got into bed and tried playing my gameboy, unable to see clearly because of the medication. I went to sleep, comfortable under the amount of blankets (which isn't much, just enough. More spring amount of blankets then winter). Two hours later, I was woken up by being drenched in sweat. I was hot as hell, and tried to drink some water but my sore throat made it hard to bear. I got out from under the covers, pulled Miranda close, and started to get cold again. So I couldn't find a happy medium. I'd put on a small blanket, and it would get covered in sweat, then take it off and get cold. My bed was all sweaty and nasty, and I considered sleeping in the living room...

So here it is, morning. I slept in until about 12', and got up knowing I needed to work on my claymation project. I'm feeling a little bit better because I took medications. I had to really force these down to get rid of the sore throat, which would then enable me to eat, which would help the nausea. I am proud to say that I consumed a burrito, a big glass of water and two peanut butter cookies. I feel so much better with some food in my system. I miss enjoying food.

yours,

Emily

Trying New Food Blog: Manischewitz Split Pea Soup

I love split pea soup, especially with bacon in it.
So, because I'm on a diet this caught my eye as being something that could be potentially healthy and tasty. I mean, beans are a good source of protein and iron without having to eat meat, which is good because I'm not a big beef fan. I'm not intending on putting any bacon in this, as it would make the fat content go way up that sort of destroys the purpose.

Right now, it's after school, and I'm hungry. I tend to break my meals down into 5 small meals throughout the day instead of 3 big ones. The reason being is that it keeps me fuller throughout the day, I eat smaller portions in the long run, and I'm not nearly as tired in class. For some reason, if I eat a big lunch I tend to get very sleepy in my Critical writing class, then come home and sleep in the afternoon. Sleeping after eating? Bad idea as well.

So today hasn't been the greatest day food wise, basically because I've been in such a rush.. But the fact that I walk very long distances to get from my car to class, then to my next class, then to my car again, up and down stairs, etc... should make up for it. Plus I'm doing pilates on a daily basis. So I'm not too down on myself over it. I am going to start recording what I eat on here every so often so I can sort of keep track of how I'm doing.
For breakfast I ate:
-1 small bowl of marshmallow matties.

-1 cup of coffee with milk.

For Early Lunch I ate:

-Mini cracker with cheese sandwich things (got them at the book store), 6 pack
-Diet coke
-5 hour energy
-Little cup of mandarin oranges.
For Late Lunch I'll have:

-Bowl of split pea soup.

-Glass of orange juice

And then for dinner I'm not sure what I'm going to have. Last night my mom made tacos and I managed to be satisfied with just one taco... but I was bad and ate taco bell earlier that day because I was stuck in town. At least they have that Fresco menu now, only making my lunch about 700 calories. So with that dinner being about 350 calories, and eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, my day yesterday looked pretty good. I'm just trying to keep an eye on things.

So anyways, this soup....

The soup comes in a funny tube bag full of dried green peas and yellow peas. I think the odd shape of the packaging is what caught my attention in the store. I thought this looked pretty delicious because it takes more effort then the canned kind. More time spent on something usually means higher quality food in my opinion, even if how you make this is similar to top ramen.

When you open the packaging a little bag of seasoning comes out (just like top ramen!). So make sure you open the package on the right end or all the peas will fall on the floor. The seasoning is loosely packaged, and started leaking on my hand a bit. This is the flavoring for the soup, because it'd be pretty damn bland otherwise.

Boil 5 cups of water and add the pea mix. Cover TIGHTLY and turn the heat down to low. This is where I messed up a bit. This stuff boils like crazy, even when it's on low. I turned my back on it for a minute, and water was overflowing everywhere into the stove. I had to add another cup of water to it, and continued to cook it on low...
Stir the mix every so often, like every 10 minutes or so. Let simmer for an hour. In the last 10 minutes of simmering, add the seasoning package.

When I lifted the lid to add the seasoning, the consistancy of the soup had gotten thick. I added the seasoning, and it smelt really fantastic. It mainly smelt like onions. The seasoning is made of onions and ground celery seed.
When it was done I was a little nervous because it looked sort of like baby food, but it tasted fantastic. I had about a cup and a half, and it made me feel way better than before. That 5 hour energy made me feel sick and this settled my stomach. The soup tasted a lot like onions and celery seed.

Though the soup takes longer to make then Campbells, it tastes WAY better. It tastes really homemade, and made about 5 servings. I'm going to leave the stove on warm so if my mom wants some she can have some later. Doubt it though, she's gonna be home probably in three hours. Yawn, I'm tired now.

On a side note, I had my Japanese test today and I think I did very well. My only real concern is the particles, but for the most part I think I did well just on instinct. I know I filled in the past tense verbs correctly, probably due to hours of repeating them in my head... benkyoshimashita, benkyoshimashita... (wow, looks weird in romaji)..

yours,

Emily

私の ともだち と 結婚....

It's hard to believe really. How many people that I've known for my whole life, or at least went to school in the same class with me or a year or so older are getting engaged and married... or have plans to be. Then there's the mass amounts of pregnancies everywhere.
My two best friends, Katelynn and Katharine, are both probably going to be married in the next couple years.

Katelynn and Jon

My friend's boyfriend Jon proposed to her a couple days ago before bed, and it was probably the cutest story I've heard in awhile. He apparently grabbed her hand by the side of the bed after they got done watching a movie, and told her that on the day that he went to wish her Dad a merry Christmas he asked his permission to marry Katelynn. I am so incredibly happy for her. Ever since she's started dating Jon she's been a lot happier and has been making better decisions. For awhile there, she was hanging out with this gross, drug using, gay guy* that would just put her in terrible situations. Now that she is with Jon, and has a job, she has turned her life around dramatically and is now almost completely independent from her weird family problems. Plus they are going to go to school together soon.
Though they are young, I feel that it is the right decision because of how much they really do love eachother, as well as benifit from eachother. They aren't going to get married until Katelynn is 21, which I think is a smart decision too. Rushing into things is always a bad idea..

Katharine and Brian

My other best friend, Katharine, is with this guy named Brian who she is intending on getting married too as well. The situation with them is a little bit different then Katelynn and Jon though because Brian is 27. They went to school together and now he's living down in LA. She visits him for really, really extended periods of time (like 2 weeks) and doesn't get sick of him so that's always a good sign. Personally, I don't think I could be with anyone for 2 weeks that I could think of without needing some time alone-- oi. She doesn't seem to want to be away from him though, and really loves him too. So me and my mom are pretty sure that they are going to get married too-- plus she's told me this, it's not just an assumption on my part.

Me and Brian didn't have a very good encounter and I don't want to have anything to do with him, but if he makes Katharine happy then I'm happy for her regardless.

So I felt that I needed to make a blog entry about this. I just think it's pretty incredible. I'm not saying it's a bad thing at all, it's just surprising. Lots of life changes for my best friends right now. And they're not the only ones. Nathan is moving in with his boyfriend, Christine is pregnant (along with a few other people), Kami is getting married... I could name a bunch of others. Crazy isn't it?



Yours,

Emily

*NOTE: I have NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING against gay people! In fact a lot of my best guy friends are gay. Though, this guy is the kind of flamboyant, elitest gay that I can't stand.

Eulogy to Our Cat Spanky

Spanky Wilson came into our lives when I was only 5 years old. I had wanted a cat very badly, and we were planning to get one from a pet store when my Dad brought one from the farm. He found Spanky in the brush, as a little, skinny newborn kitten. He was meowing, and Dad took him home to us. My mom was giving my sister a bath while I was in the tub, and when Dad came in with the cat I yelled "I love 'im, I hate 'im, I love 'im, I hate 'im!" (I'm not really sure why, I was five..) I was so excited, and we decided to keep him. He's lived with us since.

He went through a lot when he was little, dealing with me as a kid I vaguely remember putting him in clothes and swinging him around in pillow cases. It was all in love though. He grew from a kitten into being a very fat cat, and he was always known as being "HUGE" when people would come over and see him. I used to call him the "King of the neighborhood cat".

When I was in the second grade, we adopted Tabitha and Orangy and Spanky suddenly had to deal with other cats in the house. Spanky and Tabitha grew very close over the years and Spanky would always lick Tabitha's head. Spanky would always monitor what order the cats could eat. He would always wait his turn like a gentlemen, letting Tabitha eat first and then letting scared Orangy eat, and then he would take his turn.

When we moved to California in the 4th grade, Spanky came up with my dad in a semi truck with our luggage. He meowed and meowed in the crate that my dad had him in next to his seat, and after a few hours of driving my Dad decided to let him out of the crate, nervously. Spanky came up to my dad and slept next to him in the front seat of the semi for the rest of the ride--so cute. We were nervous about him adjusting to the new environment. When we moved into the new house he hid in my parent's new closet with some of the boxes, and we couldn't find him for a day. It was really nerve wrecking, but we were relieved when we heard him meowing in the closet. My Dad and Spanky both felt out of place living in California.

Miranda was introduced when I was in the 8th grade, shortly after Orangy passed away. Spanky had outlived Orangy, and was beginning to be a slightly elderly cat. He was still very large, and would spend most of his time sleeping on the couch and would sit at his special spot by the stairs. He never really slept on beds, but if he was invited he would happily stay and warm your feet. He enjoyed the summertime, and would leisurely walk around the yard while the other cats would run around. He never really interacted much with Miranda, but let her eat after Tabitha. He had this system, and when he left the female cats were completely running into eachother confused during food  times.

Spanky was always my Dad's cat, and would always get really excited when my Dad would come in the room and would meow really loud at him. He always got really happy and friendly when me or Avery's dates would come over and sit on the couch. Spanky would always walk over and sit behind their heads. He was then labeled the "gay tuxedo cat".
Michiko was then introduced a couple years ago when the "Blessing" pregnant cat came to our house and left her kittens under the deck. Spanky never really interacted with Michiko either, probably because of the age difference. He would sometimes turn and hit her if Michiko tried to play with his tail when he'd walk by. But he always got alone with the female cats, and never got into fights.
Spanky went blind a couple months ago, and quickly adjusted and happily lived the last couple months of his life. He meowed a lot, and developed the nickname Steavie Wonder because he's blind, black, and sings everywhere.
We love Spanky very, very much, and he's been around since I was very young. It's very hard to see him go, and I'm going to miss him a lot. He passed away very peacefully, close to the house. When he disappeared a few days ago (I was in the hospital), we feared he might of been on the streets and something terrible happened to him. Luckily, he seemed to lay down, comfortable near the house, and passed away. He was a member of our family, and always will be. 

 Tabitha is sitting next to me right now, snuggling up to my leg. I think she knows that we know about Spanky somehow. We are all very sad about Spanky, especially my dad.. With what's been going on with his family, and then his cat dies, he probably feels very alone. I hope things turn around for him soon.

yours,

Emily

You can't love someone else until you love yourself. Feeling stir crazy.

My sister's birthday is here, and she's intending on having a big party tomorrow. I am hoping to get some plans to get out of here. I really hope that the people from Applebees give me a call back so I can get a job soon. And if they don't, I'm going to apply to Wal Mart. I don't care-- I need an opportunity to get out of the house because I am going stir crazy here. I mean aside from school, which is my only escape from the continual stream of highschool angst stories and cheerleaders, I need another outlet to get out of here. Wal Mart seems pretty miserable, and based on how much Katelynn works there I don't know if I want to dip my hand into that situation. But everything in my house seems to be bothering the Hell out of me lately.

Today my mom lectured me on how I need to be "nice to Avery's friends" because she claims I was "mean to Avery's boyfriend". Well he was being a little smart ass! There is no law that says I have to be nice to my sister's preppy friends. And I try. I really try. When we had Scotty come through my house-- the opitomy of everything I HATE about preppy girls-- I kept my cool, I didn't say shit. I need to get out of here before I really offend someone. The cheerleading thing makes me want to pull my hair out, always has.

Today for Avery's birthday I'm taking her to Froyo-- maybe. She's getting her hair done so I don't know if we're going to get time, however I would really like to try that place too. My diet hasn't been doing that well because of lack of fruits and veggies around the house.. I have to grocery shop again for myself but I can't afford it. I'm just trying to eat smaller portions now along with doing the pilates thing. I just wish there was more healthy food around... My dad spends so much money on junk food that I have to continually keep myself from eating. Yet another reason i'd like to get out of here.. I'm so scared of gaining weight. I hate how my skin looks enough, the last thing I need is to hate how my body looks more then I already do.

The thing with Wes fell through because he wanted to be in a relationship and I refused to go there. There are a lot of reasons to contribute to this, but the main reason was the fact that I don't love myself enough to love someone else, and need to try to focus on myself so that someday I can learn too. I'm tired of trying to please everyone else.

yours,
Emily

☆official countdown ☆

Today I thought I was going to get to meet with the councilor, and printed out my current standings with credits and such as well as where I stand at the end of Winter quarter in regards to graduating. As of now, I have 51 credits, but after Winter quarter I'll have 61. I have no doubt in my mind that I will pass both my Japanese II and critical writing class, considering that they're the only classes I'm taking. That being said, I'm counting them when I made my calculations on how many credits I need.

By the end of Winter quarter, I will have communications done (which includes English), Humanities are done, Social and Behavioral Science is done (finished that this last fall), and Health and Physical Education is done. I have 10/15 credits in mathematical and natural sciences. This is what I've accomplished in my four quarters of being here, and I'm pretty proud of myself. I feel that I've gotten the bulk of the meat and potatos classes done, aside from the math.

Here is what I need to get my AA, the last 34 credits:

☆5 Credits in Quantitive Reasoning

☆Pass int. algebra [math 95 or 98, depending on where I place]

☆Pass one more Math and Natural Science class [probably introductory biology]

☆Get 4 more elective classes done worth 5 credits each.

The plan....
 I take 15 credits a quarter, with the exception of this one because of the stupid symbolic reasoning situation. So now, it looks as though I will be done here by the end of next fall.
This next spring quarter I will need to take my math class, as well as Japanese III (elective) and another elective class of some kind. I could REALLY load up my schedule next spring by taking a science course, but the fact that I'm doing math and Japanese will make a tough quarter on it's own, and I don't want to completely overwhelm myself.
So the plan for Spring is: Japanese III, Math 095, -Some 5 cred elective-

Japanese is not offered in the summer, so this will be when I take biology. Biology is offered year round so this will be a good opportunity for me to take it. Quantitative reasoning, which is called Math in Society (which sounds WAY more understandable) is also offered in the summer, so I'll be taking this. It still looks hard though, and in order to take it I have to pass Math 095 in the spring. Shouldn't be a problem.
So the plan for Summer is: Quantitative Reasoning, Biology, -Some 5 Credit Elective-

That being done, fall quarter should be cake. All I would need left is one elective class, which would be Japanese IV. This will probably be the quarter that I spend most of my time working and saving really hard for transfering.

So plan for next fall: Japanese IV

I do this periodically on my blog to give myself an idea of where I stand. Sometimes I feel anxious to get out of the tri cities and move on with my life, get out of the house, and experience the real world. I'm really enjoying school, but I'm really REALLY looking forward to going over to Central.

I still don't know what I want to do though. With my love of Japan, my first choice would still to be an English teacher over in Japan even if it seems so clique. I think it's funny that me and Katelynn have the same dream, but I don't know if either of us are actually going to pursue it. I've considered business as well, but it seems so boring. Being an English teacher has always just stood out as something I'd be good at, and I like working amongst other people. Regardless, if I'm going to minor in Japanese I will get to study abroad from Central and that would be incredible. So in a year or two I could potentially be getting a chance to live in Japan-- amazing. Or maybe I'll hate it, who knows. I guess it's a huge risk I have to take...

Or is it? The important thing is, I'm in college, and I'm going to get a degree. What degree exactly doesn't matter nearly as much as people put emphasis on.. like my Mom for instance, ugh.

☆yours,

Emily



☆Emily you are a lazy bum!!!!☆

It took a lot of tries to get a new picture that I liked...


I think maybe I might be unphotogenic, or maybe just don't have that technique that other girls do, but it seems to take me a lot of tries to get a picture that I really like. Tomorrow I intend to take some pictures with friends, or of random things and post them here.. 
Now, about my health. I've been bad, haven't taken my antibiotics yet. I intend to take all those pills before bed, instead of taking any in the morning. The reason being is that I would rather sleep through the nausea than have to deal with it at school or during the day when I'm doing my homework or have to eat dinner. I did a good job eating today. I ate sushi for lunch and ate a couple burritos for early dinner. I'll probably eat a little something more before bed. 


I picked up a job application at Applebees today, and while I waited for the manager to get there I ate at Bento Teriyaki, I love that place, and when I was waiting I was working on my homework and the waitress asked me about it, and I was like-- "Oh how clique is this!" I was kind of embarrassed, but they were busy so I figured I'd have to wait awhile for food to come. When I paid, she asked where I was learning Japanese from, and we had a little conversation IN Japanese! It was amazing!! I can't wait to someday go to Japan... Apparently the waitress knows Alison Christ, my former tutor, because she goes to the same church. Alison really has made a name for herself at the school for being really good at Japanese, and I hope that I can tutor some day. Wait... scratch that... no, because I want to transfer before that would happen. 


Speaking of which, bad news guys. Well, good news for me. Today I dropped Symbolic logic. Now, don't be like, "Ooo Emily's a quitter" because that's not it at all. I tried, I did. I studied. But that teacher said on the first day, half the class is going to get it and half the class isn't. I was just in that "isn't" category and I didn't see that changing as the material got harder on a daily basis. Wakemen was rude in my opinion too-- today when I tried to ask him a question, he rolled his eyes and walked off. What a prick! Yeah, I was lost, but I can guarantee I wasn't the only lost one in there. AND he doesn't clarify shit! Neither does the book! And the problems make no sense... take all these premises made up of variables and tell if the conclusion is true... or whatever they're asking. They give you nothing and they expect something. Symbolic Logic-- you are the dumbest subject EVER. Truth Tables are STUPID and POINTLESS. 


The bad news is, now I feel as though I'm wasting my time... a 10 credit quarter? Wow. What a waste. After all this, biting my time to transfer out of here, now I'm taking 10 credit quarters? I feel like such a bum. I've REALLY gotta do good in these two classes... 


Time to study!


☆yours
Emily

痛みを伴う肺

I'm home. Praise Jesus.

I feel a lot better just being in my house surrounded by familiar things and not having to worry about nurses popping in and out wanting to put more foreign things in me and pricking me with more needles, and worst of all, examining me in places that I don't want them to be examining. Luckily though, after the long check out process, I was sent home, and now that room can be enjoyed by someone else that is stuck in the damned downstairs waiting room at that hospital.

I had the nicest nap with Miranda when I got home today, she got all snuggled in with my face. She can make me feel better than anyone else. She's just such a treat for me. No offense to anyone, but I really missed Miranda more than anyone else at the hospital just because she often dictates how well I sleep. Bad news about Spanky, though, he has gone missing. On a night with a lot of wind, he wandered off, and we haven't seen him since. We're wondering if the wind made him wander away from home, and now he's lost... or maybe he just left to pass. We're not sure. We're worried about him though, poor guy. [[**Note: Spanky is my 16 year old cat that is now blind and can barely get around outside without getting lost. He mainly spends most of his time indoors.]]

I have a lot of homework tonight, in every subject. This quarter has been hard and I would of been working on this stuff this weekend if the circumstances had of been different. I hope everyone at CBC enjoyed their four day weekend without illness... Can't believe I was at that damned hospital for 4 days (today was the 5th), I almost have post traumatic stress from it. I feel a little nauseous whenever I think about it. I just hope that I can sort of get a little of my appetite back.

I've lost some weight through all this. Yep, not eating for 4 days takes a toll on you. However getting pumped with fluids and antibiotics continually made me look more bloated then I usually do.. But I've lost about 10 lbs from this whole experience. So I'm down to about 145 lbs now, which is a good start to my weight loss. I still want to get down to my goal weight of 130. It's going to be hard but I'm going to do it. Right now, it doesn't look too difficult, considering that all food looks disgusting...

☆yours,

emily

I just wish I could go home, study, be with Mirmee, and be well again.

I feel as though I'll never be myself again...

Though I know that's not true, I feel entirely helpless to the situation and all I can do is hope that these doctors and nurses know exactly what their doing and have some kind of regime of when I'm going to leave. Today is my third day at Kadlec hospital with a kidney infection and an ovarian cyst. Originally, they thought I had some STD but that was proven wrong yesterday, thankfully. Though that scare has lead me to doing a pledge to myself of abstinence, at least until I am in a very settled relationship where I know the person is sincerely in love with me and cares about me enough to give me the time to wait until we're ready to take that step. Because sex, honestly, creates bodily complications for some. Maybe because my immune system is worse than most, it effects me worse, but it seems like sex just causes me health problems. I've made some mistakes in the past, and two days ago in the emergency room I thought that these mistakes were going to cause me to be infertile. This became a wake up call that decisions that I make now can effect the rest of my life, and I need to stop seeking some kind of gratification with it. Because I've noticed a pattern-- once sex is entered into a relationship, everything becomes completely fucked up and based around sex.

Though I do not know if the small ovarian cist and the kidney problems are related to sex, however it doesn't matter either way. The fact is, they hurt like a son of a bitch, and they've caused fever like symptoms like migranes and shakes, and these shakes have led to panic attacks.
Yes, panic attacks, something I've never experienced before. When I get these shakes, it makes it hard for me to breath, which then makes me nervous, which then gives me a panic attack and hyperventilation. This tends to happen before a nurse is going to do something painful.

The amount of pain that I've experienced is incredible, and some of which has been completely unnecessary. When I went to the emergency room, I got a very mean nurse that stabbed the needle to far into the crook of my right arm to give me an IV. She stabbed through the vein, making my arm swell up, turn almost a purplish color, and made it entirely unable to move. The nurses were telling me 'you know you can move that right arm' when I was having trouble getting to the bathroom, but the truth is I couldn't. My arm was completely crippled by this, and burned in agonizing pain to be messed with. I now know what it would feel like to lose an arm as well, because lifting your body using just one arm is very difficult. You have to use your abs, your left arm, and your balance. Plus it didn't help that my head was in horrible pain as well, so going to the restroom was an agonizing task.

I probably had one of the dumbest bitches as a nurse-- or something-- in the emergency room waiting hall. They moved me from the emergency room on this very uncomfortable plasticy gurney (that didn't adjust easily) to a 'waiting room', which was a small closet like room with a TV where I laid in agonizing pain for about five hours before they could get me a room upstairs. They intended to keep me overnight, but with what had happened with my arm my trust in the nurses wasn't great. My doctors had been bad too, the first one the emergency room doctor that put me through so many humiliating tests where he was way too aggressive on me. I won't go into details, but catheters are the worst thing on the planet. I had to get shots on my butt that burned like hell. When I wanted pain medication they gave me Morphene which practically sent me into cardiac arrest because it felt like my head was on fire. But when the doctor would come in with the results, he wouldn't tell us anything straight forward, and would say things in medical jargon that me and my mom couldn't understand at all. Then there was the fact that I was completely on morphene and not understanding really what he was saying and my short term memory was completely stunted. He expected me to explain what was going on to my mom as a privacy factor, and I couldn't explain it to her at all because I couldn't remember. It was a horrible feeling.

But things have turned around now that I've gotten a very nice hospital room upstairs. It's a lot like a hotel room, except with a computer where the nurses type things in and one of those nursing home showers where you sit on a stool. There is a flat screen tv on the wall, but I haven't really used it except for when Wes came over last night. There is a big curtain thing for extra privacy measures. My only complaint would be the paper thin walls where you can hear everything going on next door. It sounds like there's about forty hispanic people jabbering on continually, and I can't imagine the patient is getting much sleep done. It's almost like the whole family came, and brought all their kids, and it's almost like they're treating this like a party. This loudness went on until about 11 last night, and drove my mom crazy. I really didn't care much because I've been on oxycodon, but I just found it odd.

Things health wise have improved though over these past two days. My fevers have gone away for the most part, my appetite has partially come back (though only when I'm on pain medication), and my kidney area and lower back are not bothering me nearly as much anymore-- if not at all in sometimes. But then there's the problem with my head.. My headaches haven't improved hardly at all, and it practically immobilizes me. That though can be taken home, and I can have access to tylenol at home without having to wait for nurses to take forever to get me access to it.

So that's the story. I feel very behind in school, even if I only missed one day. I miss my cat. I miss feeling normal, and I really want this shit to go away even without drugs. This has to be the worst disease I've ever gone through.



☆yours,
emily

Sick with the flu, but decent timing.

 Right now I am sick with the flu, as well as a bladder infection and stomach pain. My mom thinks I might have appendicitis, or maybe kidney problems-- but as of now I just think it's the flu. I am experiencing all the symptoms, plus the horrific symptoms of a bladder infection which makes it hard to relax.

I have a fever, making my body temperature very hot. Originally, I was cold, and was walking around the house bundled up in sweatpants and a sweater and unable to get out of bed because of fear of being cold. When I got out of the bath last night, I was experiencing unbelievable teeth chattering, and feeling like my body was freezing to death. I felt like my bed was cold, and piled on the blankets. Now, I seem to be breaking my fever. I got up and felt very hot. I feel like I'm sitting in a sauna, and my head is sweating. I hope I am... whatever is happening to me is just awful.

I have an awful headache, and when I got up from my bed my head felt like it was spinning. I took a couple pain killers for this, as well as an allergy pill to make me sleepy.
My muscles are killing me. My back, groin, arms... Everything is killing me, making it very hard to walk.

I however do not have the two other flu symptoms-- a runny nose and a cough. I haven't coughed at all today. I am however experiencing nausea and an inability to eat. This jello that I'm eating is the first thing I've eaten all day, and I hope it doesn't make me feel worse. I just figure that I have to have something in my stomach if I want to feel a bit better. Last night I drank straight beef broth-- and it was VERY good and did make me feel a bit better.

I  missed a test today... the one that I studied for yesterday. It's such an incredible bummer.. I think I would have done well on this test. At least I get two test freebees-- so this won't effect my grade, unless of course I bomb another two tests. I won't. I have to hold my head high and work really hard in my symbolic reasoning class. It's really difficult but I think I can do it with the help of Andrew.

I'm too tired to continue writing...

☆yours,
Emily

Dreams of aggression.

I was really tired when I got home from school today, and took a nice long nap before hitting the books. I had this dream though and I'd like to find the significance to it. Note: The dream started out a little raunchy. Nothing happened, I just wanted to write it down to somehow get the significance of it.

______Dream______

It started in a hotel. A really nice hotel, with gold colored, modern furniture. I was laying on the bed with someone who'd I'd apparently brought, who happened to be a girl I've known since childhood who is slightly younger than me who I've never particularly liked. When my mom, sister, and my sister's couple friends left, my mom was like "You better not do anything." The girl that I was with seemed to be making moves on me, and I'm like... "Uh... no... I don't think so.." I remember looking down and seeing a bulge in her shorts, so it was actually a guy in disguise apparently. I was then blindfolded, and five of these athlete girls and some really popular, overrated guy that I vaguely knew when I was in highschool told me to "do things" with this guy. I kicked the guy off, and told him that I would NEVER want to do anything with him. He seemed to have his feelings hurt, and they left. Wow. 


 When I removed my blindfold, there was a party of college kids in my hotel room. There was people everywhere. I didn't seem to know any of them. I noticed an older (like, 30's.) black guy walk in from the backdoor, who apparently owned the hotel and people seemed to know. He blended in right with the party somehow. 

Moumoon, my current J-pop favorite. 

For some reason, at this party I was in a very sour mood. Everyone around me was dancing and I was a loner. I went to my computer, not realizing it was controlling the music in the room, and accidentally changed it to J-pop. Some people sitting behind me yelled at me that my music sucked and I stood up and left.


 Alone, I sat down at some couches and started texting my mom. I wrote, "So I'm at my first college party and nobody likes me". But, I was being really rude to everyone so subconsciously in my dream I knew that was the reason-- but I was too afraid to really talk to anyone. Then, here comes these really weird kids that looked a bit younger then me. One was a girl and one was a boy, and sat on both sides of me. I hid my text from them, as if not wanting them to know that I'm uncomfortable so that they wouldn't try and talk to me to "cheer me up". Needless to say, they started talking to me about dancing, then saying "We're not even going to bother trying to see that text..". Ignoring them as well, I decided to go outside. 


Outside the hotel seemed to be a park trail of some kind. Next to it was a pay phone, which apparently I needed to use (even if... uh... I had my phone texting in the dream). I approached it, and there was a very petite girl. I remember thinking, "Is that Taylor Morales?" but then realized it wasn't. Taylor is a girl that I've gotten to know on facebook that went to my school that has a tiny stature, very thin, and a bit shorter than me. The girl turns to me, and I realized I didn't recognize her. She had short black hair and little round glasses. She asks, "Are you on birth control?" And I was like.. "Uhh, no..." She then responds with disgust, "Well you should be then." 


I then just flat punched her in the face, and when I realized my punch wasn't that hard, kneed her in the stomach. I proceeded to put her in a head lock and threw her head against the side of the phone booth. Throwing her on the ground with a bleeding head, I then left back inside.
The party was still going on, and I sat down slumped on the couch. I figured I should get ahold of my mom about this, so I called her. I remember saying "I got in a fight.. But she asked for it because she said..." and then my mom was like, "Oh! Then I understand..." At this time I looked over and saw Kyle Hoodenpyle (*So random, I never talk to this person...) who looked at me in surprise. I then saw more guys from Benton City, one of which I had a huge crush on in highschool, but thought he wouldn't like me after what I'd just did. 

_______________________________________

I'm going to continue writing this to hopefully find the significance later.. 

☆I'm sorry if I'm confusing, It's so much easier when I'm dreaming..☆

Bento Recipe! 

So you can make a bento box at home, with American ingredients. This is the easiest and quickest bento I've made. Note on that though, I do sometimes add things that I've had to seek out at Asian markets or Asian sections at grocery stores. So you might have to do a little hunting. Also note that this recipe is for ONE bento sized serving-- for a girl with a moderately small appetite. You might need to adjust this according to your needs.

What you need:

-Small, frozen chicken breast

-Small can of black beans (don't get dried--too much work)

-Short grain white rice (about 1/4 cup)

-1/4 cup Mirin

-1/4 cup soy sauce

-1 tspn vegetable oil or olive oil

Here's how you prepare the Chicken:

☆1. Microwave the chicken breast, making it thawed. Remove from microwave and drain out the yucky fat and juices from the thawing into the sink or garbage.

***NOTE. A good time to start cooking the rice is when you start cooking the chicken. Try to invest in a rice maker if you don't already have one.***

☆2. Cut the thawed chicken into small, bitesized chunks. Because the portion is small, it helps to have little bites. 

☆3. Put a wok or a non-stick pan on the stove at Med-High. Add vegetable oil or olive oil, and let it heat.

☆4. While your stove is heating, get a small bowl and add Mirin and soy sauce. Mix well. 

☆5. Carefully add chicken pieces with tongs to wok/non-stick pan. Let it cook for about 3 minutes, turning occasionally, then turn the heat down to medium. Continue to cook for another 6-8 minutes or so, until the chicken is white on the inside.

☆6. Quickly pour the Mirin and soy sauce on top, and stir to get the chicken covered. Only let it simmer for 1-2 minutes, as the soy sauce will burn to the pan if you let it sit on the heat for too long.

TAH-DAH, chicken! 

Place the black beans in bento, un-microwaved. If you have a microwave at school or work, nuke the bento there for a hot, healthy meal! 

__________________________________________________

That was my first attempt writing a recipe. I hope you enjoyed. 

Ha ha. Now for my actual blog...

Today has been a good day. I managed to get a lot of studying done at Chad's house because Tori got to sleep almost immediately. She's so cute and can say "Maddie". Have you ever heard a one year old talk? Incredible. The kids were good too. Andrew has a new PSP, and is glued to it continually. He had basketball practice so he was gone most of the night. Maddie is really hard to handle sometimes... Like, I'll tell her to sit at the table and eat, and she will sneak off the second I look away.

Oh, I should probably tell you guys who these people that I'm talking about are. Chad is the guy that I babysit for, and have been for 3 years now. He's married to Carmin, who is like the most laid back chick ever (I actually saw her pissed off recently over some weird family situation, I can relate...). She works at Starbucks and whenever I'm there in the morning on the weekends she brings me back coffee-- kick ass. There are three kids, Maddie, Andrew and Tori. 

Maddie is six.. or maybe seven, and she's really hyper all the time. She's a bit of a crybaby sometimes, which makes me irritated because I've never really been too much of a crier, but then I think that she's just six years old and that it's just a phase. She's super girly, and really tan. I try to talk to her when I can because she seems to have a hard time listening and I don't want her to think I'm an "evil babysitter" because I sometimes have to yell for her to stop doing whatever thing that I've reminded her of 5 times to stop doing. Andrew is nine, and he's really laid back too. He's grown up a lot since I first started babysitting them when he used to run around and harass the dog. He pretty much does his own thing now, and talks to me about cars and how much he hates cursive. 

 They're just really good people, and they've become like family to me. I really do care about them, and their kids, and barely charge anything just because it's nice to get out of the house once and awhile. 

Anywho, I got a lot of studying there tonight. I have a Japanese quiz tomorrow as well as the crazy symbolic reasoning nonsense that I've been suffering through. So tonight I got a lot of work done because I didn't have the internet. Oh the miracle of Chad's house, how I always seem to get work done there. 

Now it's 12:04.... what the hell am I still doing up.

☆yours

emily

My recommendation to those that are sick this winter.

My New Years resolution to stop procrastinating isn't going so well.

 I keep on pushing things off and saying I'll do them later, and then when I do start to study or do whatever I have to I don't have enough time. Luckily though, I'm going to start RIGHT AFTER I finish this blog entry. So there, it's documented now, and I'm going to do it. I have to read 6.2 in my symbolic reasoning book, get started on an assignment for Critical writing, and study my Japanese as well as get this yellow sheet with our new verb conjugations done. Not really exciting stuff, but I intend on getting it done. School has been going pretty smoothly, and I'd rather not get behind because of my own lack of motivation to get stuff done.

I'm just happy that I'm healthy. Honestly, the very worst thing that could happen to me now is to get sick. My friend Danni, who is in my symbolic reasoning class, was recently diagnosed with a pneumonia. How horrible is that.. She was feeling sick on Wednesday, then wasn't there Thursday, so I can only imagine how sick she must of been feeling on Wednesday and came to school anyway. I've been in her shoes, and it blows, especially at the beginning of the quarter like this. Plus, this is her LAST quarter, to make matters worse. So I'm going to take notes for her and help any way I can.

I've been sick a lot though, and this is what I recommend for people that are sick. My Chinese friend Qiuzi recommended this to me when I was sick awhile back, and I've used it ever since. Hot green tea with honey. I don't know what it is, but it makes you feel about 10x better after you drink it. I drank it that one time I had a hangover, I drank it the last time I had a fever multiple times, when I have sinus problems, when I'm nauseous... Every time I've drank it, it made me feel a LOT better. No, it won't totally cure you obviously, but it relaxes your stomach and sooths you. I personally like my tea to be flaming hot (like almost to the point of burning your tongue), but warm should be okay too. 


What I need is tips from anyone on how to not procrastinate. Procrastination is, by far, my biggest enemy. Though I'm not the WORST, at the level that I expect myself to achieve and make my parents/myself happy, I have to study continually. Some people don't study at all and still get by, like this guy Colin that sits next to me in my Japanese class. The kid can take tests in there, still get a B+ without studying at all. Thus far I've gotten an A on every one of my Japanese tests, and I'm not going to let myself slip, even if the second quarter is a lot harder. I just need to keep trying.

☆yours,
Emily


Japanese Word of the Day:
Green Tea. お茶, おちゃ. Pronounced "Ocha". 

Food Choices and Working Out in the Cold Winter Months.

Today was a lightening fast day. It just flew by. Didn't get much done, though did get some stuff that my Mom wanted me to get done finished.

I was awoken by my Mom at around 8' this morning. Apparently her and my Dad wanted to get out for awhile because my Dad wants to get away from the house and the farm situation* (I'll explain this later).. My mom gave me a list of things to do... 1) Pick up my bedroom, 2) Deep clean the bathroom, and 3) Vacuum and sweep the stairs. My sister was on laundry duty because apparently I don't fold well. I do try to fold, but my mom says that everytime it just comes out looking like a ball. LIES. I just think my Dad likes his shirts folded weirdly and it's hard to figure out how exactly he wants it.

Diet stuff...
Anywho, I got up around 10ish, and made myself a little breakfast. I had three slices of toast with the omega 'butter'. But the butter isn't real butter, it's a healthier margarine with omega 3 and 3/4 less calories than regular margarine. It's sort of a funny taste if you like real butter, but I like it a lot. I also had a handful of Chex mix, and a grapefruit. So for breakfast I did pretty good with my diet, got the whole grains in there. Yeah, the Chex could of been avoided, but my sister was eating it and it looked so good. I only got about a serving.

I took a shower, and got all clean. I love this new acne fighting stuff that I got prescribed, I noticed a difference in the scarring and redness in just one night. My skin is already looking better, and I felt more confident today even not wearing makeup. I blow-dried my hair, put on some athletic clothes, and got to work. I started with the bathroom, in sort of a pissy mood because I blamed my sister on the battery problems with my computer. I know it's not her fault though, I'm just mad that the battery is so stupid and I'll unavoidably have to buy another $70 battery at Best Buy once this one gives out. I got that bathroom sparkling clean, then went into my room to do a Pilates video.

The pilates DVD that I got at wal mart for $10. To get the complete workout is actually 50 minutes, not 10. But I really enjoyed this today.

Pilates feels wonderful! That with my new Golds Gym situp thing, and I'm bound to lose some weight. It'll take time, I know, but my goal is to lose 10 lbs. The thing is, I have no idea how much I weigh from time to time. I feel much healthier now that I'm making an effort to eat healthier and avoid junk foods. For the past week or so I haven't really slipped, aside from the ONE slip that I did when I had the munchies with Wes the other night. We shared a small caramel Mcdonalds frappe. I shared it with his friends though, and it always cuts calories to share. It was so delicious though, and you know how it is when you have the munchies-- everything just tastes that more amazing.

So, instead of trying to lose 10 lbs, I'm going to try to get back down to a size 9 jeans size. Unfortunately though, when I lose weight, it rarely seems to draw from my ass and thighs, but instead from my stomach, breasts and arms. Stomach is good, and so is arms, but never losing weight from my thighs and legs is a problem. I wish I could just lose a little of that thigh fat, but it's really difficult when I've had big thighs and butt my whole life, and now that I'm getting to the age where I can have kids it's gotten worse. I wear a size 11 for god sake. That's too big in my opinion. But I know that if I work hard and stay to my healthy diet, I'll lose the weight.

For lunch today I made stirfried chicken, cucumbers, peppers and onion. I had a side of kidney beans with it, as well as a side of rice. The side of rice was about 1/2 cup of rice, and the chicken was about the size of a stack of cards so the portions were good. I can't say I really particularly LIKE or dislike kidney beans or black beans that I've been eating with meals, but they are a very good source of fiber as well as helps lower bad cholesterol (which isn't really a concern). Combining these kidney beans with rice though makes a complete protein, which helps me get going in the day. Best of all, it has IRON. Iron is super important for me because I am very iron deficient,  and this helps me be less drowsy throughout the day if I can get my iron levels up.

I'm very tired. Seems like my body is really adjusting to going to bed earlier. I will continue to document what I eat and what I'm doing. Nothing much happened today, really. Tomorrow I'm going to go study Japanese with Nathanael and Taylor, then I'm going to go over to Wes's for a bit. Maybe he can help me with my symbolic reasoning junk.

☆yours,


Emily




Just for fun...
Japanese Word of the Day: 
Chicken: pronounced Toriniku. とりにく・鶏肉. 

Wal Mart Pharmacy changed my plans.

Today, getting my medication was such an incredible bitch. I went to the dermatologist this morning, and had to wake up at 7' to get ready for it because my appointment was at nine. Lovely isn't it? Waking up early on a Friday (I have Fridays off from school).. oh well, better not throw my sleeping routine on a loop this weekend. Getting up at 6 am everyday for my Symbolic reasoning class is hard on its own.

Anyway, yes, the pharmacy. I was there to pick up two prescriptions, one being the professional dermatologist recommended Differin as well as my birth control pills, called Ocella. I talked to the pharmacist to get me Ocella, and he said it'd take an hour, so I figured once the Ocella was in, then the prescription from my dermatologist would of been faxed over by then. I therefore had to kill an hour, and sat on those cold metal pharmacy benches for about fifteen minutes reading a hair magazine before I couldn't stand it anymore...

"Check out a cool new movie... Change in plans, January 8th on Fox... annoying child laugh". I must of heard this about 20+ times in the time that I sat there. There's a little TV in the pharmacy (and a couple other places in the store) that says "You're watching Wal Mart TV" or something, it's basically a place where they advertise. All of the other advertisements were for dissolving laxatives, Atkins bars, and pasta bowls that you just add water too and microwave (I've tried those, they're nifty..) But THIS commercial was by FAR the most annoying. They had this African american kid on the left, wearing a very traditional looking African shirt, and this little asian girl on the right. It's a cute little commercial the first time I saw it, but when it was literally playing every 45 seconds or so on this Wal Mart TV and loud enough that it's impossible to ignore, I had to bail. I walked around the store a bit, and once I came back it had been an hour.

At the 1 hour point, the face stuff wasn't done. I was expecting it to come in BEFORE the birth control, but instead I got the birthcontrol first. I immediately noticed that the brand name wasn't Ocella. It was called Zarah. I read the package to make sure it was birth control, and it was so I didn't really care. I just looked it up though, and apparently some WalGreens are no longer carrying Ocella and switched over to Zarah, so maybe this is what happened to the Wal Mart today. Apparently, there was a lawsuit against Ocella being a defective drug. Apparently it can cause heart attacks or blood clots, as well as horrible mood swings. I'm hoping Zarah does not do this. I will keep you posted. All I know is that right now I have a horrible headache due to the new drug. I should also see what the combination of my anti-depressant, Paxil, and this drug might induce.

A bit on Paxil...
I have been planning to switch over to Welbutrin, as paxil is a very hard drug to break habit from. I've tried before, and always fell back into taking it again because lack of the drug in my system makes the whole world just seem awful. Imagine, not feeling any hope or happiness in you. Imagine that you feel completely worthless.  Imagine wanting to hurt yourself because all hope is lost. That's what it's like coming off Paxil. I've downed my dose to only about 2.5 mg a day! Yes, tiny right? I started out at 20 as a preteen, when I really needed it. I went down to 10 my sophomore year, then down to 5 during my senior year. Today, I cut the 5 mg pill in half. So this small dosage only has minor drowsiness effects anymore. Being on 20 mg, it was almost nearly impossible to get through the day without a nap. I have no real reason to break from it now though and throw my cycle off, as I'm already introducing this new Zarah drug as well as using a skin care product that can potentially pose some effects as well. Ugh.... the problems.

ANYWAY, back to my story. I guess my dermatologist sent the wrong paperwork over to the pharmacy. They send an illegal copy with the word "COPY COPY COPY" all over it, so they can't scan it into their system. So after an hour and a half waiting for the prescription, the pharmacist tells me that he has to manually enter the information into the system and it'd take another 45 minutes. Lord have mercy. I decided to look around so I wouldn't have to hear the god damn "Change of plans" preachy commercial again. I sort of realized what it'd be like working at wal mart. I walked around for awhile, and found a lovely pilates work out video as well as a sit up machine by Golds Gym. They were really nice priced, probably because of all of the New Years resolution purchases. I bought them, then went to the book section to pick out a book to keep me busy. I found "The Care and Keeping of You", an American girl book designed for preteens to learn about their bodies. I remember when my mom got that for me when I was a kid, and I saw the picture of the cartoon girl inserting a tampon and threw it against the wall I was so embarrassed. I was entertained reading it though. I remember being that age and feeling like I couldn't talk to anyone about my body, but I didn't even really talk about it and found out on my own.

So... time passes, and the pharmacist comes out of his office to tell me that my prescription with insurance will cost $130. Wow. My parents would pay for it, but I still owe some money on a different doctors appointment that my dad wanted me to partial pay for to learn responsibility. I bought the face cream with my money from working at Toys R Us, and my Dad said he'd pay the remainder of the other bill and give me $50 for the money I spent on the creme. He's very nice to do so.. I didn't expect it would be this expensive. I do appreciate my parents for having me experience paying for things that I wouldn't of paid for before. I just need a job now though, gotta afford gas to get to and from school.

I originally wanted to get together with Wes today, but because I was at the pharmacy for so long we were unable too. I will probably talk about Wes in later entries. I was so relieved to hang out with someone normal. He is very talented, and I'm impressed by him... like he's one of these over achieving people. But he doesn't take himself too painfully seriously, and smokes a little weed. Nice. : ) He's really respectful too.

I'm going to go to sleep. I took something for my headaches and it's knocking me out.

☆yours,

emily